We signed Sera up for swim lessons. Thirty minutes, once a week. I strongly felt she would learn better with other kids, and listen better with a 'teacher'. I also admit, I lack the patience and actually, technically, I'm just not a strong swimmer.
Her first swim lesson was disappointing. She was all excited about going for the lesson but when she approached the pool of children, she froze. And I, groaned inwardly. I urged her to join the other kids, the swim instructor was calling for her, but she started to cry, clung to my legs and just refused. So many emotions went through me - confusion, frustration and even irritation. Yes, I am human after all. The other parents were standing behind the railing, pretending not to notice. Some were chatting amongst themselves, others were cheering their children on, and one was even recording his little boy's first swim lesson. Why couldn't I be one of the those parents?
I pleaded her to enter the pool, just to sit on the steps, at least, but she simply wouldn't. I told myself to calm down, take deep, deep breaths. What to do? Ten minutes passed, and 20 more to go. I hear the children in the pool laughing and splashing about ... having fun. Sera looked at them but just couldn't will herself to join them. Ok, give her options. I asked her if she wanted to join them or maybe just go back home? She said she wanted to stay, but she didn't want to go in the pool. Oma finally says, just put her in. I knew what would happen if I did just that and without thinking (all motherly rationale had somehow fizzled with the heat) I carried her and plonked her in. She SCREAMED! And she made sure it was so loud and long that everyone couldn't help but look at her. I was stricken with guilt and thought I definitely failed as a parent. 'gulp'
The swim instructor gave her a rubber squid toy and Sera immediately grabbed it, held it tight ... and stayed on that same step for the rest of the class. The instructor went back to her several more times but Sera just stayed on that step with her squid. I stood behind the railing just wanting the lesson to end. It finally ended and we headed home, quiet and lost in our thoughts, tiredness and disappointment.
Call me dramatic but all that disappointment, I finally have to admit, was not so much about Sera but more about me. I had expected Sera to 'dive' into the pool, as enthusiastically as the other kids had. I should have known my daughter better. She is not like that at all. Sera hates crowds, she gets intimidated by it. She turns shy with new faces, or any new environment for that matter. She has always been an observer, a very keen one. She'll watch to her heart's content and when she's ready, she'll move in ... or sometimes not.
There is a good ending to this long story.
We went for our second lesson today. It has been two weeks since, as swim lessons stopped for the Eid holiday. In that two weeks, I have given her a few pep talks, read a story about a little mouse who was afraid of swimming (though Sera is not actually afraid of swimming but it was a cute story nevertheless), and ok ... I did promise her a nice snack at the playground after her swim. After all that conscientious preparation for her swim lesson, in the end, the trick was simply to arrive 15 minutes before lessons started.
Sera happily jumped into the pool. She swam under water, swirled and hopped around. She was warming up, all by herself. By the time the other kids arrived, she was relaxed and so ready for the lesson. I was filled with so much relief and I inched myself away from the pool, played with Yasmin and went back to Sera 30 minutes later. Sera ran to me, beaming and looking very proud of herself. We hugged and then she whispered into my ears, "Let's go to the playground!"
Now, Sera is learning to swim and as a mother, I'm also learning to 'swim and not sink' whenever I'm thrown into the deep end of parenthood.
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